MY FAVORITE FUNNY BITS FROM THE BOOK
(Who says history has to be boring?)

On Alexander’s family:
From his father, Alexander learned to fight. And from his mother, he learned to fight dirty.

On how the Olympics started out as funeral games.
This makes sense, don’t you think? “Our buddies just died in battle. Quick, let’s race to see who’s fastest!”

On how the ancient Greeks exercised in the nude.
It makes you wonder—how did they know who was on whose team?

On Alexander’s hero, Achilles.
What’s the difference between Achilles—the greatest hero of all the Greeks—and a puppy? Eventually, the puppy stops whining.

On why Alexander worshipped such a crybaby:
Hey, we treat today’s sports stars the same way. We overlook their mistakes—even really big ones—as long as they dazzle us with their talent.

On Alexander’s war battles as a teenager
What would you say if someone forced you to leave school and plunge into combat with wild-eyed, club-carrying, blood-crazed barbarians?

All right. Now what would you say that we could print?

On why Alexander invaded Persia
The Greeks especially feared the powerful Persian ruler, King Darius III. Why?
Because King Darius served the Dark Lord Sauron and sought the One Ring that would give him power over the hobbits and Middle-earth. Oh wait. Wrong story.
[To find out the real reasons, read the book!]

On taking Egypt in his journey to conquer the world
Alexander walked into Egypt a liberator—and walked out a god. Talk about a good day at the office.

On why, as ruler of Persia, Alexander refused to wear Persian pants
The Greeks, in their dress-like tunics, thought trousers “unmanly.” Go figure.

On how Alexander launched the “Hellenistic period” where everybody, everywhere copied the Greeks—including Buddhist monks in India who started wearing Greek tunics.
It just goes to show that even in the ancient world, chic happens.